The differences between illusionary love and real love are myriad. Illusionary love wants our partner to be in a certain way, to fulfil some of our needs and boost our ego. Illusionary love is often pleased by partners who can raise our standards or enable power or change our status or to ensure security. Illusionary love believes that a relationship is good when our partner is totally committed to us and is favourable to what we want.
Illusionary love makes us feel confused when we begin to see our partner’s weaknesses and flaws. Illusionary love can make us feel embarrassed to be with this person in some circumstances and we forsake them or even hide them from the world. It is not courageous and transparent. Illusionary love hides behind dishonesty and does not share real feelings for fear of losing another.
Illusionary love feels intense jealousy when others are involved in our life. Illusionary love remains in the relationship out of need, despite our destructive actions. It looks for acceptance outside through beliefs that we must do a lot for our partner to justify loving us. Soon much is lost in pain agony resentment anger lust greed jealousy.
Real love, on the other hand, looks at the person beyond the images, the masks and the outer appearance. Real love embraces the inner person and shows that person unconditional love and acceptance. It says, “I like and respect who you are inside.” Real love understands why you do things that are not always in your or our best interest and feels compassionate towards you. It does not try to fix or change you to suit themselves.
Real love does not react to others in your life with jealousy, rather, it allows you the space to decide whom you want to be friends with. Real love gives to you and feels good about giving to you, regardless of whether or how much you give back. Free flow of love and freedom exist in Unconditional Love which brings forth more Intimacy. Real love acts honestly and forthrightly, even if that means the relationship may suffer or end
Challenge That You Face
Your challenge as conditioned being is to look past illusion, and make real love your priority and choice.
Unconditional love in a relationship begins with oneself to start with. Total acceptance of oneself before you can truly accept another for who they are. To set the foundation for a lasting, healthy relationship, you must first have a strong sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. This doesn’t mean you never have emotional difficulties or don’t need support and extra attention at times.
Unconditional Love is the Progressive Awareness and Understanding of each other without imposing your model of Love. More Tolerance and Acceptance of each other else your relationship will not last long …
So What is Love?
Is becoming aware & recognizing the oneness!!! But the human mind brings in Duality and does not allow you to Love for the sake of Love itself. What do I mean by Human Mind it’s the Egoistic Self which is very conditional and demanding. True Love arises beyond the mind which has no polarity just Pure Love. Thus no pain and pleasures no hate and love no negative or positive…
So if you notice from your Love Life or Relationship that they are deeply flawed or dysfunctional from what once seemed to be perfect! Human Love will manifest in possessiveness, insensitivity anger, need to be right, jealousy, emotional demands, manipulation, revenge, conflict and even physical violence.
On the positive side you will feel intensely alive feel at home deeply satisfying and exhilarated state. However sooner there is also a need for clinginess to that intensity and therefore he or she begins to act like a drug in your life. And before you know it soon becomes a negative intense hostility due to fear of loss or lack. And as time passes by both of you avoid each other’s sight and even stop sharing bed!
To your surprise Romantic Love relationship comes from a space of lack, fear, need and incompleteness that is a part from Human Egoic conditioning And when your needs and expectations are not met, the romance and love goes out of the window! And you wonder where & why did Love vanish like a wind!
Sexual Union may give a glimpse of a Bliss. The root for physical urge is the spiritual one the longing for end of duality and that is why we are attracted to polarities / man woman attraction for wholeness sexual union is the nearest experience for such oneness. But soon you are back to duality until you are going beyond the Ego space of knowing Thy Self…
But soon this attraction is lost and you accuse your partner for the cause of pain. This pain may arouse the pain of the partner and encounter your attack.
Soon you induce manipulation and accusation to control and change their behaviour. But then comes the resistance for change. Thus after the euphoria of romantic feeling passes there is so much pain & unhappiness in intense relationship. Truth is that they do not cause pain and unhappiness it brings out the one that was always present there! But if we were to bring your focus on Your emotion/pain in the now arising in the presence in the now and look into it and its past association we can then dissolve it. Avoidance of relationship is not the answer as the pain does not go away its there anyways! Few failed relationships can force you to an awakening than aloneness in the isolated desert! The way to freedom from pain is to bring Intense focus on the Power of Presence! What do I mean by that is to Witness / Observe your emotions/triggers and know that you are a being underneath The Thinker …You are A Being and not the Pain Body. Dis-identified and disassociated by the emotions that are always fleeting or arising and falling. Bring the Strong Presence of your Light in the Now and transmutes the pain into Light!!! And Let Love arise and melt away all the projected pain and stories you had been holding!
How do you know if u are experiencing Real Love…? You will feel centred peaceful aware stillness beauty no waves of highs and lows nor fleeting emotions of excitement rising & falling…
ART OF MAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK TIPS:-
- Loving the other for the joy of loving, without thought for what you will get in return.
- For both partners, unconditional love means putting the health of the relationship above all else. This is a conscious decision made by both people, and it requires .
- Practicing regular and open communication
- Being active and engaged in listening;
- A willingness to calmly express concerns or hurts without the fear of judgement
- A willingness to communicate boundaries and respecting others boundaries too
- The ability to accept and even embrace personality differences and similarities
- A willingness to continue to work on your own self-awareness and inner work
- Offering complete trust and commitment against all odds
- The ability to forgive and forget, especially when forgiveness is requested with a sincere desire to change
- No Mind games to manipulate another by withholding love or sex or money, etc. to get what you want or need
- The desire to express your love with small daily actions and words
- The decision to let go of the “small stuff” that might bug you & nag the partner so you can focus on the best aspects of your partner
- The willingness to show extra love and have patience when your partner is going through periods of difficulty, sadness, or disconnection, knowing it’s a short-lived condition
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