Unconventional Relationships & You

With changing times, the concept of relationship is also changing. It is not just about vows and commitment. Today’s youth is result orientated and impatient too. They have high dreams and they do not want any hindrance in their dreams or fantasies. Increasing number of divorce has given rise to various forms of unconventional relationships.

Relationships have become more challenging and stressful than ever. People are questioning themselves about Conventional and Unconventional Relationships. Frustrated and demoralized by certain social and marital issues. Romance is dying too. It’s a Fast Food Funda…”My place or your place!” No, wait and watch for relationships to build naturally with emotional stability. Women and men both are feeling an Inner Turmoil both in and out of bed. Some are guilty and shameful to own their authentic type and desires. Some are just purely driven by temporary temptations and illusions. Some are nursing the past wounds and hiding in uncommitted relationships that offer nothing more than one-night stand!

Let’s discuss a few that are now being more acceptable than Marriage.

Types of Unconventional Relationships

Open Marriage   

Aditi and Rohan are happily married for last 5 years. The only difference they have in their married life is that unlike conventional marriage they opted for the concept of open marriage. Open marriage is a concept in which partners mutually agree on having sexual relationships with other person and it will not be considered as infidelity. It is another name to swinging. According to Rohan and Aditi, they are very happy in this open relationship. With the changing time, people’s mindset has also changed drastically. Sex with the same partner becomes a routine and this concept helps us to come out of the routine. That doesn’t mean that we do not love each other. The rule to the success of an open marriage is that you will not have an emotional attachment with any of your sex partner other than your spouse- says Rohan.

Though it may sound interesting it is not everybody’s cup of tea. You need to be emotionally strong to get in this type of relationship. Trust and freedom is the utmost need to venture into open marriage. There should be no place for jealousy and being transparent is the utmost important aspect of this relationship. Fear of transmission of STD disease is also the drawback. There’s another lurking fear of getting emotionally attached to your sexual partner and affecting your marriage in the long run. And as observed that has been the pitfall in many cases.

And Priti who succumbed to Open marriage on her husband’s insistent had to seek a divorce after her husband found a soulmate in another woman’s arms. Open marriage can leave you panting for sexual adventure or painfully alone depends on how to play the game.

Polygamy   

Polygamy is basically a relationship where you can have two or more spouse. When a man is married to multiple women it is termed as “Polygyny” whereas a woman is married to multiple men it is called “polyandry”. Well, India is not new to polygamy relationship. It has roots in our deep history. In Mahabharat Draupadi had 5 husbands and was referred as “Panchali”. Most of the kings in ancient time had more than one wives. In today’s era, though Hindu law doesn’t permit more than one spouse, it is still valid in Islam.

It is necessary that the partners involved in multiple marriages are aware of each other and unlike an open relationship, a person cannot have a sexual relationship with anybody else other than his/her multiple spouses. There should be no place for jealousy for your partner’s partner in this kind of arrangement. However, this is far from today’s reality as per laws. Nor is it practical with material self- centeredness and lack of time for self and significant other. Envisioning this as a future option, in my opinion, is impractical.

Live In Relationship 

According to a survey done by India today, there is a subsequent rise in a number of youths in India who doesn’t believe in the institution of marriage. They consider that they have right to live the life their way. Marriage no doubt asks for sacrifice and family interference too. In the concept of Live in two people live together as a couple but without being married. The biggest benefit of this relationship is couple can know each other well and if they feel they are not able to adjust to each other can mutually depart without any legal complications. According to Ananya and Sahil who have been in live in relationship with each other from last one year “We love each other and want to get married but as of now we want to know each other properly. We want to know the compatibility we have with each other. So we moved in a live-in setup. And it is far better than getting married early and then facing relationship and compatibility issues.”

Though Live-in relationship has been given a valid status within India there are still few drawbacks associated with it the biggest one is that it is not permanent. You may find emotionally attached to your partner but he or she may not and they can easily move out of it. It lacks the depth and commitment in a relationship which a marriage brings in. However, Live in is still a better bet only if children are not involved. And many flatmate seekers from the migrated city end up being in a Live In Relationship which gives a sense of responsibility and care for each other. So Live in has its own pros and cons which one has to be prepared for.

Polyamory

One of my friends Shikha is practising polyamory relationship from her teenage. In this kind of relationship set up, people have a relationship may be sexual or emotional with more than one person but it is not necessary to give it a name of relationship or go into any form of marriage or contract. People who are polyamorous can include combinations of people of different sexual orientations. According to Shikha humans have basic tendency to get bored with just one kind of thing so what is wrong with switching on. She says “I have a relationship with 4 guys and I am happy with it. Each one satisfies my different need. And I am a fulfilled woman as much an independent spirit too”

After seeing her parents ugly divorce and betrayal from her 5 years boyfriend, Zohra chose to move into Polyamory as a safe refuge from hurt. Also, she came to accept no one is “Forever Lover”. Life must move on and be cherished time to time. She is now married to a French who is in a polyamorous relationship which is both sexual and non-sexual and she too opened up to this new found Love in an Unconventional relationship. Now both are staying in a community known to them. And they intend to bring their children up in a polyamorous structure which natural and supportive besides being complexed and chaotic time to time!

In polyamory chances of getting used are more. You do not have any legal contract to save you. Some have ventured far into it only to return to a monogamous relationship. It can be very demanding of you if you are not ready to deal with your expectations and insecurity

What about the children?

When we think about these unconventional relationships the most important valid question most overlook is what about the kids who are also involved or may be born accidentally or by choice. Well, the answer to this is there will be no physical problem in a child if parents are involved in any kind of relationship but there can be emotional issues if the child is not guided rightly about the relationships. One of my clients is in open marriage but it doesn’t affect their love for their children. They have a happy family and they will tell the kids everything when the right time and age comes.

Going forward now the time has come…

To set new Laws

To accept their Truth

To question their Choices with heart and mind than pure Lust

To change one’s attitude towards Relationship

To take ownership of their choices and future kids

To act maturely and sensitively

Unfortunately, Infidelity has become a Part and Parcel of Today’s Life & Love. And before we Choose what we Choose let’s Make a Conscious Choice with Awareness and sense of Responsibility of the Consequences for everything. As it is a Play of Projections, Perceptions and Ego states not Necessarily Love or born out of Love but rather a Settlement of Convenience that suits our Personality type, Lifestyle and Sexual Preferences or activity.

ARE YOU BATTLING WITH THE RELATIONSHIP TYPE?

ARE YOU ON THE CROSSROAD OF YOUR LIFE & LOVE?

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