If you’ve ever found yourself in a relationship that feels and looks like THE ONE but you’re struggling with commitment or standing in the ambiguous territory of a ‘casual relationship’ or as they say “fling”? Are you unable to figure out what you can do to win their love and commitment or worse you are finding yourself trapped in the power game??? Then read on..
I was a typical romantic who could never seem to find true love and who has sometimes been manipulative in relationships (the pursuer), not able to stop my efforts to control the outcome and unwilling to let go. Unfortunately, I always attracted the Mr. Unavailable who would be detached and unwilling to open his heart to express his desires. I attracted men who were in power game trying to dictate and control everything, keeping me in wonder what next. He would decide when he would like to talk to me, date me or have sex without considering my feelings and desires. I was a miserable creature in love and I would play to their tune as a passive and submissive partner trying to please them and letting myself be controlled. In the beginning it felt all right and nice to fancy a Mills & Boons guy, who was authoritative and unavailable. And I was the complete opposite, readily available at every beck and call. Not knowing how to draw a line or to speak my mind. I was just happy to have a man in my life and bask in that so called love and romance without realizing I was playing the victim.
As the time goes by you realize your calls are not returned, no whats-app, no sweet glances, etc. Where did all the passionate moves and looks fade away to? Why & where did he disappear? What did I do so wrong? What the hell did I do to make him vanish away? Why would he not let me go or commit? Or was he too shy or fearful to express? All these questions were driving me nuts!!! Making me feel miserable and lost! Not knowing what to conclude or what to do next?
Why was all this happening to me!! I molded myself to fit their frame, offered myself emotionally and physically …to all their fantasies! Now what???? Why couldn’t I attract and deserve a meaningful and loving relationship??? I was smart and sexy to look at …I knew this for sure! So what went wrong?
Did I give in to Power Game??? Was I displaying Low Self-esteem? Was I too available and easy to be taken for granted??? Did I fail to see the red alert from the start? Or maybe I failed to hear my gut feelings to succumb to this fake love? Was I just using my heart and not my mind in Love Game? Or worse my own insecurity demanded to live and seek refuge in their merciful love? Was I driving the relationship out with my nagging and yet passive attitude? Why did I not question if they fit my world…whether they deserve my love my attention…Did they deserve me in the first place??? Was I too giving and failing to receive or ask what I wanted?
It was clear I had given away my power to the man!!! I had made him my pivot, my shining Armour, and lost my own worth…in the trail of Love …What could I learn from all this drama and pattern I was reliving???
I had learned that I could not blame them alone. I was creating my own reality in my own ignorance and I had come to be aware of the following –
- Don’t be their door mat!
- Voice your feelings as they are!
- Be heard and Understood than you doing all the hearing and understanding!
- Lay your rules which are harmonious and agreeable to both!
- Be your own person and hold your individuality as much as take pride being in LOVE!
- Walk and Talk like a Woman who knows herself!
- Learn to respect your needs first!
- Learn to Say No!
- Be Flexible but not easy!
- Be Firm but not flimsy!
- Fall in Love with yourself …even dare to embrace your dark side and wild side too!
- Try to understand your partner’s motives and mannerism so you may know how and when to deal with the situation!
- Value yourself and know your worth, don’t settle for any Tom Dick and Harry!
- Find your own passion and purpose and let the man of worth come along!
It takes courage and honesty with self to find your own truth and failings!!! It takes time, time to pause, to reflect, to inquire, to understand, to lovingly rebuild a new love story!
When we learn to overcome our fears and to allow ourselves to be who we truly are, relationships offer us great potential for healing and growing.
We need to love and respect ourselves before we choose to Love another! Love attracts Love!
I would like to end with the following quote …
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~~~Gautama Budhha
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NOT EVERY LOVE STORY HAS A HAPPY ENDING…
BUT WE CAN ALWAYS HAVE A NEW BEGINNING!!!