Conflicting Personality Couples

Many couples married or unmarried have expressed their frustration due to differences in their personality and approach to life. Even their love expressions  differ far too much. However many fail to understand how to bridge the gap or appreciate their differences as strength.

In Jane Austen’s novel, “Sense and Sensibility”, Marianne was looking for a partner who would be exactly like her. She expected him to have similar passions and interests. This inclination made her choose, initially a partner who was impulsive and extravagant like her. He broke her heart. Afterwards she ended up marrying a man who was reliable and mature and very different from her imaginations.

Conflict arises from differences, whether large or small. Conflict occurs whenever people have different outlook and disagree over their values, beliefs, perceptions, ideas, aspirations or desires etc. Thus leading to cold war among themselves. Unmet common ground and personality traits can leave them feeling insecure, disrespected and not valued. Intimacy and closeness begins to wither away. That which first got them attracted now repels them!


Let’s us try and discover the reason for it. Let us compare certain opposites and see what they bring to the table, together.

1. Reserved and Open partners

Reserved people often tend to keep a lot of their complications inside and hence they are drawn to people who are open and expressive. They are attracted towards people who act simply on their feelings and are unrestrained. This relationship brings a different kind of adventure to both partners as the unrestrained one brings in the free spirit and the reserved one, self control.

2. Liberal and Conservative partners

Now this is a very intense match which is a very difficult one to find. But if there really is one such combination, the liberal partner would bring in all the new perspectives that were not visible to the world before and would help a conservative understand it. The conservative would share the aspects of the culture he is trying to sustain and they can evaluate the benefits and harms of both. This partnership could be extremely intellectual and would give a drastic understandings to both the sides.

3. Passive and Aggressive partners

People subconsciously tend to find a partner who completes them, who has strengths that are different than their own. Passive partners, who have difficulty standing up for themselves are drawn to partners who are strong. Cinderella, a girl who easily was dominated and controlled by her step mother, ended up finding a partner in the prince. It was a relationship where prince brought in strength and protection. Cinderella had humility and compassion. Two qualities that complimented each other and made them a strong team, together.

4. Extroverted and Introverted partners

Two people could have the exact same interests and could pursue them in drastically different ways due to these two varying traits. Say, a couple loves to travel. Now the extroverted partner would love to meet new people and explore new cultures while the introverted one would be drawn towards nature, books and architecture. Being together they would each bring in so many unexplored angles to their journeys and will drag each other out of their comfort zone, for good.

5. Simple and Mysterious partners.

There differences often create a good story for multiple fantasy and Rom-Com movies. One of the partners takes life easy, does not think too much or aims for too much, lives a life without complications. Suddenly a character enters into the story who is mysterious, holds many secrets and together they go on an adventure. The plain partner learns to embrace the intricacies of life and the mysterious one learns to find joy in simple things.

6. Socialite and Home-bound partners

A social bee and a potato couch is a very interesting combination. One loves moving and interacting while the other just loves to snuggle up and be cozy on the couch and watch some Netflix. Here the home-bound partner delivers the value of some cozy private time and the other one can teach how to find happiness in the company of people. Also they can learn to balance social life and family life that fulfills each othe

7. Spiritual and Materialistic

With spirituality comes the elements of self-knowledge and contentment but if a very spiritual person is left to deal with the world by themselves, it may drive them into bankruptcy. To balance this, a materialistic practical partner who can play by the rules of the jungle is a great fit. Spiritual partner could help the materialistic partner beyond things and to be able to see contentment even in their absence. The materialistic partner would bring in the financial stability and the needed practicality into the mix.

In reality, people are not really opposite, they have contradicting or matching traits. People often blame their conflicts and disagreements on these differences which becomes a cause of their separation. The understanding here is that we can embrace the common grounds and then learn from the differences. A difference in opinions helps us learn about things that we were not aware of previously and if we mutually learn to agree, that enhances the quality of the relationship. Just like the similarities, the differences in our traits can also contribute positively to our relationships.

As Criss Jami puts it, Together, we form a necessary paradox; not a senseless contradiction.”


How to Bridge The Gap

Make conflict resolution your priority rather than being right or proving another wrong!

  1.  Appreciate the Differences
  2. Allow Space to Each Other
  3. Accept another as they are
  4. Being each other’s Strength
  5. Empathize with eachother
  6. Be Receptive and Open
  7. Be a Good Listener
  8. Don’t suppress eachother
  9. Communicate without accusing
  10. Be Tolerant to eachothers weaknesses

It’s in Uniqueness We Grow… It’s in Acceptance Love Deepens

If the differences are hard to digest and you seek to even out the Odds with a maturer outlook then book an Online appointment with the Relationship Counselor on WhatsApp +91-7261950450


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