Infidelity is on the rise. And so are breakups and divorces.
Though both men and women cheat, men are more likely than women to do so. According to a General Social Survey (GSS), 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they’ve had sex with someone other than their spouse while married.
Why do men cheat?
Along with religion & family background, men’s biological and cultural factors are also linked to how likely are they to cheat.
Here are the most common reasons why men cheat-
- Biologically, Men have less to lose. Women on the other hand risk getting pregnant.
- Generally speaking, evolution has primed the average male brain towards sexual conquest.
- Boredom and lack of pleasure in the relationship.
- In a few cases, insecurity makes them look to other woman for validation. Men are also more likely to cheat when they are close to someone who is already a cheater, which frees them from the guilt.
- Another common reason for cheating is that they lose interest in their partners. Many a time it so happens that women get so involved in their partner’s interests, likes and dislikes that they forget themselves and the person they used to be. As a result, men find that you are not the same person they once loved and thus gradually lose interest.
- Immaturity is another common reason for cheating among men. This is primarily true for young couples, where the men are often not mature enough to value the relationship. Their vague sense of ego might stop them from being committed to their partner.
Is it possible to stay together after cheating?
Well, YES. It is hard but not impossible to regain the relationship you desire.
You need to also understand that it is a healing process and it won’t happen overnight. It may take months and sometimes even years to completely heal, recover, and rebuild the relationship.
But before you decide to rebuild your relationship consider the following points-
- Is he taking accountability for his action?
Before you decide to work on your relationship make sure your partner is taking accountability for his action. If he denies his action or only speaks out because you found out about him cheating, he might not even be feeling guilty in the first place.
- Is he justifying his action?
If yes, he doesn’t find his actions to be wrong. It also means that he is blind towards your feelings and pain. And chances are that he might cheat you again.
- Does he want the same?
This will only work if both of you want to and are willing to work on the relationship. It should be a two-way process.
- Is he patient enough?
It is very painful for the person who is cheated on. Thus your partner must have the patience and sense of responsibility to regain your trust.
So how can you survive infidelity?
Start with acknowledging your pain. It is normal for a person who is betrayed to feel self-hatred, depression, sorrow, and even anger. Don’t ever neglect the emotions and trauma you are going through.
Also, remember not to solely blame or take the blame on yourself. Women often take the blame themselves for their partner’s cheating. You don’t need to take responsibility for someone else’s wrong actions. Neither should you keep blaming and seek revenge. For it will not only damage the person you love but yourself as well.
Here are a few steps you can take to walk towards building a more nurturing relationship where both of you can grow together-
- Don’t be afraid to openly talk about the affair in detail. This is important because if you come to know about something more in the future, it will further hamper the healing process. It can make it more difficult for you to forgive and forget.
- The second step will be to talk and communicate about the reason behind his action. Sometimes cheating is a symptom of the problem and not the problem itself. There is a possibility that he is feeling emotionally neglected. Maybe he is craving for your attention or maybe your relationship lacks the intimacy and passion he desires. So focus on identifying the problems first before going further to find the solution.
- Build a new foundation of trust. Trust is one of the pillars that holds a relationship. Thus it is important to rebuild the broken trust to keep the relationship going.
- Rebuild intimacy to get the connection you once shared. It doesn’t only involve physical intimacy but spiritual, emotional, and intellectual intimacy as well. Intimacy does not only mean sex, but it can also be strengthened by holding hands, doing things together, or even talking about and sharing each other’s interests.
- It might sometimes get too complicated to handle yourself. Thus seek help. Reach out to a relationship coach or therapist instead of involving your kids or other family members for support. A counsellor has the tools and resources to help you both pass through this difficult phase and come out more united than ever with a stronger bond in your relationship.
Reach Out. Have Hope. Take the Journey to Rebuild Intimacy & Rebond with