Post at Apr 23, 2021
A Runaway Bride
DO PARENTS INFLUENCE OUR FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS?
Well, looking back I can say a Big YES! Little did I know that my upbringing was influencing my forthcoming events and relationship patterns!!!
The Lock & Key
I was a reserved & obedient child until I got married to a domicile regular guy. There was apparently nothing wrong in him, just not the right lock and key. We made no match – neither in bed nor outdoors. Nor could we connect or merge mentally, emotionally or spiritually. All we were was a dutiful pair, married through tradition & family consent. But as years passed by, everything seemed mundane and void. Nothing seemed right. A voice began to run in my head… chanting like a mantra… Run Away if You Want to Live!!!
I felt torn, my head & heart at a tug of war! I knew this would cause a shock to both the families. Because in India we do not marry just the man, but the whole family! How could I hurt everyone especially when everything on the surface seemed fine to the world… though we both knew much was amiss? I was making a huge compromise, my womanhood denied and my being felt inauthentic to stay on in a facade marriage!
I started to resent myself and my mother who failed to understand even after all the turmoil she had faced as a woman – as a wife to my father who was emotionally unavailable, irresponsible and a missing factor in the family. My mother feared my future as a single woman and pleaded me to hold the marriage against all odds even after knowing about the extra marital affairs of my hubby.
Stay Or Quit?…
Wasn’t history repeating? Wasn’t it a marriage only for labels and social status? Wasn’t I suffering the same drama in my relationship? Where was the flaw? It never occurred to me that my consciousness and childhood imprints were manifesting before my eyes. My relationship with my Father, the relationship between my parents, were all influencing my relationship, not once but in many different ways!
Call for a… Self Actualization
Yes I was a run away bride!!!… though after 7 yrs of waiting. I finally took a plunge and called it quits. I didn’t feel it necessary to endure what my mother had endured. Fortunately I had no kids – just my luggage with an empty bank balance and empty hands. Looking forward to a new life beyond the four walls, beyond this marital knot which held no meaning, no worth, and no sacredness of two bodies and one soul!
Maybe I was too idealistic
Maybe I was too demanding
…but then I had made my decision – I won’t let my Life slip by to please the world. I knew walking out wouldn’t be easy with no moral or financial support, and no one to my rescue, as everyone wanted to save their reputation in the society only to speak behind our backs with little or no knowledge!
Destined to Doom?? Really???
And as they say “Aaurat Teri Yehi Kahani” – As a woman, we are expected to face the bruise, shame and contempt, or stay locked indoors in a dead marriage.
Divorce rates are escalating. And no it’s not always the Man’s Fault. So much goes into shaping our future relationships – the choices we make, the attraction we feel, the type of men that attracts our attention… it all begins from the family, parenting, the love seen and felt in childhood etc. Well whatever… I had made a choice to Move On… blaming none and resenting nothing, letting others come to terms with my decision in time to come. I Breathe fresh air – the freedom to BE ME … to Love Myself without Shame or Guilt! And what followed thereafter was not an easy battle but it was worth it all…
How much longer do you want to suffer in your life?
We walk with our face forward; likewise to move on in life, there is no need to look back. Nevertheless there remains a need to learn to Heal the Past which holds the key to Enter into a Whole New World, where there are no regrets but Joy and Love, to Embrace without the reminiscences of the past to haunt or linger…