Breakup without Closure

Moving on without Closure. It was a painful period of my life with everything falling apart. I couldn’t make sense of anything that was happening. Couldn’t believe our relationship meant nothing after years of togetherness.

When your partner makes you feel valued while being in the relationship, it is the best self-esteem booster. I realized this only after my self-esteem bid a farewell with my ex.

When you lose something significant in your life, you naturally start to ponder upon all the other misfortunes – both real and presupposed.

We shared a wonderful relationship that went on for quite a long time, standing beside each other in good and bad times. I was glad to have him. Our relationship was consistently in harmony. He was all that I might envision to spend the rest of my life with.

We had a splendid present. Yet we could never really sort out our future together.

But clearly, he did.

 

One day he just rang me and said his parents want him to get married to someone else.

It was a relationship of ten long years and things had been going pretty smooth. I had planned how my future would look in detail.

I couldn’t believe it. Like a perfect girlfriend I tried to comprehend the difficulties and the struggles he would be in. It’s a reality that it is not an easy task to persuade orthodox parents for an inter-caste union.

He wanted to be given some time and space. So, we stopped talking to each other. And I put a pause to my romantic involvement.

Hence I shared this with some of my closest friends. In their eyes, I was having an ideal relationship and I couldn’t let them know that it has turned out so badly.

After the breakup, I used to remind myself every day that he is not responsible for this. That he must be making an honest effort.  And I passed on the same words to my friends.

When the separation occurred I was in an unsettled situation in my life. I had just finished my education and was shifting to a new place with a new job where I had neither family nor friends for support.

Within a few months, while I was still adjusting to the new place and struggling to settle in my new profession, I came to know that my ex has gotten hitched. I felt a strong sense of resentment.

 

It was the first time after the break up when I went to pieces. I had my own mourning phase that lasted about 4 years.

 

What did I do in those 4 long years?

How could he do that? For what reason didn’t he call me again? Did he believe that all this wouldn’t affect me in any way? All this went on repeat for the entire period.

• I dated a few people. But I was continuously contrasting my concept of an ideal relationship.
• I stalked him on social media.
• Tried to visualize how perfect his new life must be.
• Visualized how satisfied he must be with his wife.
• Contemplated several times whether he had been cheating on me with his present wife – whether he was already in a relationship with her when he left me.
• I blamed myself for not putting enough effort to fix the issues.
• I tried dating a few people via dating apps but all proved to be futile.
• I started drinking and smoking to numb my feelings. But I would find myself back in the same place the next morning.
• I also tried to connect with a few friends but all they could do was lend me their shoulder. I still couldn’t find a solution. And I felt stuck.

How I worked towards moving on:

Finally, I was fed-up. My heart was sunk.

And I was just about to give up all hopes when I coincidently came across a Facebook page of a counsellor – Shivanya Yogmayaa, who was offering a free call for the first session on break up recovery.

I was curious and nervous at the same time. I took it as a sign and decided to seek professional help. After speaking to the counsellor I realized where my pain was. She helped me realize how I was neglecting my own self throughout these years.

During those holistic, psychological and practical sessions with the counsellor, she gave me few tips on how to let go and move on with self-realization and ownership. She also helped me understand I was too cooperative without realistic expectations early on in my relationship. I was no longer playing the blame game and the victim self was released to embrace the new.

 

Finally, I was able to take charge of my life and make a closure with the help of my counsellor. I became open to a new circle of life and hope with a better understanding what is worthy of me. My wounds of the past healed, and I am at peace now. 

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