Mirroring You

“Each relationship you have with another person reflects the relationship you have with yourself.” – Alice Deville.

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL, WHO IS THERE? ….

THE BEST OF ME THAT I SHINE FORTH OR THE WORST OF ME THAT I HIDE FROM?

You love what is reflected back to you that you love within you. You dislike what is reflected back to you that you dislike within you. You are neutral to what is presented to you that is not a reflection of you.

On realizing that all relationships are one’s own mirrors I started looking at the limiting patterns and behaviours in my relationships that were not working. Certain feelings of codependency, lack of focus on my needs (as pleasing others was my priority) and at times needing someone to please me in a certain way to make me happy, or give me the love and attention I wasn’t giving to myself. Also, I began to identify the fears and ideas that were running the show beneath these patterns making me feel like a victim. From this new level of awareness, I slowly began to break free from this vicious cycle. As I began to look deep within myself, I could see how all of the challenges in my relationships were a reflection of Lack of Self-Love. I understood how my thoughts and emotions were based on lack, fear, doubt and limitation.

The way we treat ourselves will affect how others treat us. The truth is, I wasn’t giving to myself what I wanted from someone else. I wasn’t giving myself the love and attention that I wanted. Everything I was withholding from myself I was looking for outside of me. The Relationship we have with ourselves decides how others will treat us, period!

We attract our wounding self, not what we fantasize. If we’re going into a relationship with core fears then we can be sure that those fears will be triggered and brought to the surface. And thus the conflict and drama will soon kick in after a short honeymoon. This looks like the fight or flight, conflict or withdrawal pattern, which is based on past traumas that we unconsciously bring into the present moment and project into the future. Oftentimes, it is not the present situation that is upsetting us but rather an unhealed wound unresolved in the past.

It is so easy to place the blame on the other for whatever negativity comes up — we’ve been conditioned that way.  “You make me so angry”, “I couldn’t sleep because you were out late”, “It’s your fault I burnt the dinner” etc. Of course the responsibility for our feelings is always ours – be it feelings of joy, sadness, or anger… it always originates within us. You are the one who chooses to experience that feeling. No one can make you angry. The other simply is being what they need to be at that moment. You choose how you want to react or respond, with anger or compassion.

Essentially, the root cause of break-ups and divorce is when one or both of the partners can no longer stand to see themselves in the other person.

 Relationships are a gateway for us to Evolve.

Any and every relationship in our lives — with our friends, co-workers, neighbours, our children and other family members as well as our primary partners — can be a reflection of us in this way. Even an encounter with a stranger can sometimes be an important learning experience and turning point.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Ask Yourself “What is there for me to Learn here?

What am I not Accepting of myself?

Am I Loving and Nurturing myself?

Am I Respecting and honouring my truth, my feelings?

Every time you want to place the blame on your partner… stop, pause and instead take responsibility for the situation and your emotions. See how your mate is expressing what you really feel in the dark corners of your mind. Throw some light on your thoughts, beliefs and feelings about yourself. Replace them with more loving and accepting thoughts, and you will see your mate will change to reflect the changes within you.

The mirror always tells the truth — the way to go is not Replacing the mirror/partner but looking at it differently!

One Common Denominator that Rules all your Relationships is YOU!

Whatever you had been experiencing so far has come from you as a Reflection. No matter how many relationships you may change, the fundamentals of your relationship will remain unchanged because they are simply mirroring you.

It was such a relief when I finally understood that I alone had the key to make my life and my relationship. I had to treat myself with love and acceptance, and the reflection would be true to that reality.

“The ultimate truth is that you are the one that has to change. Once you are different, your mirror will of course reflect the new you”

So I invite you to spend some time to

Introspect

Acknowledge

Meditate

Heal

Forgive

Journal

Love Yourself

Be with Yourself

Give yourself this space to release anything that is no longer serving you —fears, worries, lack, insecurities etc. When we connect with who we really are, from this place of alignment we magnetize and experience fulfilling, happy, loving and inspiring relationships.

Connect for Relationship Counselling and Inner Bonding