Living apart together; a new perspective towards commitment
"Living Together Apart" (LTA) refers to a romantic partnership in which couples maintain an intimate connection despite residing in different homes. Recently, this idea has gained popularity, especially among elderly couples who appreciate their privacy and independence. Although some people may find this arrangement strange, it might be a good alternative for couples who want to keep their relationship strong without abandoning their own wants and preferences.
What does it mean?
Couples living apart while maintaining a close relationship are referred to as living apart together (LTA). One or both of these factors may be financial or personal. Here are stories of three couples, who decided to be in an LTA relationship and how they look it at it : Liya a 28-year-old who works as an IT manager she and her partner agree that having some distance in the relationship would actually bring them closer, they both live apart but together while they maintain their own personal life simultaneously. Speaking of the relationship they agree that living apart but together has helped them to know each other better. Jay an older adult prefers to have more personal space in a relationship while focusing on his business, his partner Nitya wanted to spend more time with her friends while maintaining a healthy relationship with her partner, they both did not want to let go of their priorities but loved each other as they also lived in different cities moving in would mean a lot of sacrifice for either of them. They then agreed upon having a living apart but together relationship where they made amendments for meeting once every three months by then they created a list of places they want to go to or activities they plan to do on the dates when they meet. They say it keeps them curious and attracted to each other as the distance brings something new to the table every time they reconcile. Diya and Kabir recently were discussing how both of them like different things when it comes to traveling and preferences. They were having a difference of opinion on a place to choose for settling as they both had very different perspectives of a dream house. One of them is a mountain person and the other loves to spend time by the beach. They could not decide what they can give up so both of them don't have to feel bad for the other partner. Living together apart was something Kabir had heard about and currently, they were considering the pros and cons of living together apart relationship where they decided to make a pros and cons of the step that they are going to take further on, so let's look at the pros and cons of living apart but together
Pros and cons
● Having oneís own space and privacy
● The time can be split with friends and family, without having to be guilty about making time for the partner.
● The benefit of experiencing an individualistic living while being in a relationship.
● Focusing more on the larger experiences while having lesser attention on the details of daily chores.
● One of the main advantages of LTA relationships is that partners have their own space and privacy, allowing them to maintain their independence and individuality. Cons
● Drifting away from the partner due to the distance, as they spend a lot of time away from each other due to lesser time being spent together.
● Openness to look for a new love can diminish the possibility of the relationship lasting for a longer time.
● If either of the partners refuses to communicate about their difficulties or insecurities while they are in a LAT, it can cause significant differences and the relationship stands the risk of falling apart.
● Feelings of loneliness and isolation.
● Both partners have to be flexible and accepting of when to come together and when to live apart. Sims Allen a sociologist who conducted research on LTA highlighted the importance of autonomy and independence in a relationship. He believes that maintaining flexibility on the part of both partners is essential to overcoming these difficulties. Informing each other when something isn't working, and keeping the option of taking a more conventional path open if it makes sense for both of you. Like any relationship, it goes through stages, and what feels good for a few months or years may not feel quite right later on.
How well of a fit is it for you?
If you are someone who is wanting to strike a balance between the desire for being independent and at the same time being in a relationship you want to cherish, LTA can be a good path to choose if you as a couple are wanting to maintain an individualistic life with oneself while looking forward to maintaining a committed relationship. Willingness to adjust and agree upon having dates according to the schedules of both partners is also a necessity to look into. Setting clear boundaries and expectations in the relationship
with clear communication is another factor to consider if you plan to move into a living together-apart relationship. Overall, having a LAT relationship can be a good option for couples who want to be loyal to one another while yet maintaining their individuality and privacy. Couples can successfully negotiate the difficulties of a LAT relationship by setting clear expectations, keeping open lines of communication, and being adaptable.
When and who to reach out to for help?
● If you are someone contemplating or confused about your relationship status and dynamics.
● Wondering if you want to consider Living apart together and require further clarification if how to navigate it.
● Have some confusions about your relationship
Feel free to contact Shivanya Yogmayaa , Relationship & Intimacy Coach to guide you through.