Post at Apr 23, 2021
WHY YOU UNCONSCIOUSLY PUSH LOVE AWAY EVEN THOUGH YOU DEEPLY DESIRE LOVE
The paradox that I see in most high-achieving women who come to work with me: is women desire a love of depth, meaning and presence more than anything else, but when it shows up. and becomes available they self-sabotage, resist and close up.
So why is that you want something so bad, but end up pushing it away before you can even receive it?
The reason why you push love away is because it's a form of protection. When you have unhealed wounds inside, in order to protect your heart, you will subconsciously self-sabotage in order to not feel the pain, rejection and abandonment that your inner child felt growing up. Self sabotage is really our mind's way of attempting to protect us from experiencing emotional pain.
This form of protection was formed when you were a child, and your primary caregivers (father/mother) abandoned you (emotionally/physically) and were unavailable for your emotions.
You then learnt, very early on, that your feelings did not matter, that you're not loveable, not good enough, that others don't care about you.
This pain, that you felt back then, is then locked away and you end up closing your heart to love and block your ability to receive, in order to avoid rejection & abandonment again.
This trauma is buried so deep within you, that it continues to manifest in your relationships today.
Your closed heart space from back then, keeps your heart closed today and it's why you distrust love when it's available to you.
The love that you witnessed growing up with your main caregivers, is the love and the patterns that you repeat in relationship today - repeating behaviours over and over again because this cycle is familiar and what know. you
For example, if your father was emotionally unavailable, you probably didn't feel seen, heard, loved or understood by him. You then grow up believing that you're unloveable and that it's not safe to love. The "love" you experience with your father is the love that then feels familiar which is why you are unconsciously drawn to men that are emotionally unavailable too and why you self-sabotage "healthy love" - because this type of love does not feel familiar to you.
You also push love away because:
1. Deep down you don't believe you're worthy of it so you push away amazing men who love and respect you and instead feel drawn to the men who are unavailable, and who don't choose you
2. You're afraid that the love you desire isn't actually possible, that it'll "just end" one day, so you subconsciously push love away: you leave before being left, you abandon them before they abandon you
SIGNS OF SELF-SABOTAGE WHILST DATING:
When a "nice" guy comes along, you pick holes in him, like there's "just something missing"You're not being your true authentic self, & project qualities you think he may find attractive Romanticize about men who aren't available (don't want you, are already in relationship)
Make excuses for red flag behaviour
Not seeing them for who they are, but instead see them for who they could be You don't openly communicate your needs and desires in relationship
You're not interested in the men who like you
SIGNS OF SELF-SABOTAGE WHILST DATING:
You say you want to find amazing soulmate love, yet you're always too busy, there's always that next "project" at home/work to finish
You don't ask for support and help
There's a push-pull dynamic at play
Believe that you can fix or change him
Deep down you really desire to find love, but tell friends & family that you're not really that bothered
To attract an available, mature man, and co-create a beautiful healthy relationship with depth, where you feel loved, adored, cherished and supported by the masculine - heal from your past trauma so that you can release the pain and resentment that your heart still carries from childhood.
My mentoring & speciality is helping women like you. integrate the parts of themselves that they have rejected, disowned and abandoned through somatic healing + inner child work + feminine embodiment, so that you can attract your dream relationship in the shortest time possible whilst also becoming your most confident, worthy, radiant + magnetic self!