Pre-Divorce Dilemma

A marriage that was about to end…

Rakesh was always busy with work. And after work he would spend time with his parents and come to the room only to sleep. Vidya wanted her husband’s attention, but Rakesh was not understanding this. 

On the other hand, she was finding it difficult to adjust to the new environment and family.  She was doing her best to impress her in-laws, but nothing was working. They would nag her for not matching up to their expectations. She was always compared with her sister-in-law.

She tried communicating this to Rakesh, but he was not giving her an ear. As a result, she started feeling side-lined and isolated.

The difference between their personalities, priorities and lack of communication resulted in day to day conflicts between the two. Vidya cried for hours sitting in her room. Once a full-of-life Vidya started becoming silent and sad. Slowly, Vidya slipped into depression.

She was so overwhelmed with all these negative emotions that it was now unbearable for her. She started questioning herself and her marriage.

Here is when she connected to me by her friend’s timely suggestion.

I still remember the day when she first came for my counselling. She desperately needed someone to hear her thoughts, her emotions, and insecurities that have piled up in her heart during the past few months.

The major problem with Vidya was, post-marriage she had forgotten herself and was only seeing herself through the eyes of her husband and in-laws.

In the next few counseling sessions, I worked on Vidya’s thoughts. I made her realize that she cannot keep everyone 100 percent happy and satisfied. I shifted her focus on herself. She started looking after herself. She started doing meditation which inculcated positive vibes. She revived her love for music. She was still a dotted daughter-in-law but stopped giving ear to the constant criticism of her in-laws.

Seeing the positive changes in Vidya, her husband was very happy and joined Vidya for couple counseling with me.

In the couple counseling, I asked them to do some simple and playful activities every day which ignited the romance between them. The counseling helped them realize how simple things can make a big difference in their marital life.

I helped them understand each other’s Love Language through which they were able to receive and give more fulfilling love. Now the gap which was felt before, had diminished with each passing day. They made an attempt to keep this flowing to deepen their emotional intimacy too!

Eventually, they both realized the difference in their needs and worked upon it. The couple games which I introduced to them acted as a cherry on the cake.

Sometimes it just takes one step forward and change of perspective, to shift the dynamics of Intimate Relationship. Long term relationships need constant nurturing and responsibility from both sides to keep it alive and thriving… than just surviving a lifeless loveless marriage.

It has been 2 months since they were under my counselling and their relationship has changed completely. They have learned to communicate their needs and expectations. They have become more responsive to each other both inside and outside the bedroom.

The marriage which was on the brink of divorce, was revived.

Just like in this story, there could be numerous reasons why feelings of disconnection arise in a marriage:-

• Anxiety caused by personal goals
• Difference in expectations of one or both partners
• Need for better communication
• Intolerance and lack of acceptance towards differences in opinion
• Comparing your loved one with others
• Romanticizing other’s relations as being ideal or perfect
• Holding bitter feelings towards each other

Some couples recognize the void early on, and make conscious efforts together to fill in the gaps and revive the old connection. While in some other cases, the lack of sparkle in the relationship may lead to bitter arguments, conflicts and possibly end in separation.

How can a Counselor or Relationship Therapist help you?

• They will help you find out what is causing these issues.
• They will help you revive the connection with your partner.
• They will teach you techniques to get closer to each other.
• They will help you work together on balancing the equation of personal as well as couple expectations.

If you are having a hard time like Vidya, don’t wait until it’s too late. 

Seek a Couple Counsellor’s help as family and friends are not always the best bet. Despite their good intentions, they may not be able to see things from a non-judgmental space to help the couple in the righteous way. 

Connect & Restore Your Marriage with Shivanya Yogmayaa