Self Sabotaging In Relationship

There are several external reasons which affect our peaceful relationship. Many of them can be controlled while some are beyond our control. However, besides the external ones, there’s another potential enemy of our relationship – our brain itself. Due to various factors or experiences, we just can’t trust the virtue of our relationship. 

We always fear some deep negativity in it and eventually, our thoughts lead to actions which destroy our relationship. And so, we ourselves get in the way of our own happiness. This is what we address as self-sabotage of relationships. 

Reasons can be many and it might differ from person to person. These reasons end up destroying a potential relationship which could have turned out to be a long-lasting one. 

Let’s understand this better with a few examples:

1. Ragini always believed that men only want sexual pleasure from their partner and this is the only reason why they enter a relationship. She never accepted the possibility of a sexual relationship as a sign of love and affection. This is why, whenever her current partner tried to come closer to her she tried to detach herself from him. This happened many times and at last, she broke up with him citing his lust as the reason.

2. Sahil had three serious relationships and all of them ended with him feeling miserable. According to him, all three women cheated on him. Despite not having any strong evidence of the same, he would breakup at the slightest suspicion. Now he is in another serious relationship, and he continues to doubt his partner for no reason. Endless questions, checking behind the back – things like these kept on creating unavoidable problems between the two. 

3. Shruti and Rahul have been married for the past 10 years. Both of them have been divorced before and now they tied this knot to fulfil their parents’ wish. They both are successful in their profession and look like a happy couple. However, both of them fear showing love towards the other. They fear that their love might turn into possessiveness and their married life might end up as a failure like the previous one. Neither tried to communicate their fears with the other and they continue to spend their days in silence.   

The above examples show how people’s personal insecurities or the critical voice from within or bad experiences led them to self-sabotage their relationship. Unfortunately, people don’t realize that love is a positive internal force that should not be allowed to get clouded by such unfounded destructive thoughts. 

Why do we self-sabotage our relationship?

Even though it can be difficult to pinpoint ‘why’, the answer is surely a deep-rooted one. Because no one would want to willfully cause the downfall of their relationship over some minor incident. Here are some of the possible reasons which might cause people to self sabotage their relationship and get in the way of their own happiness:

1. Bad past experiences is one chief reason which hamper one’s happy future. The fear of history repeating itself prevents them from going further in their relationship.

2. The experiences of their close ones also affect their perspective towards their relationship and it’s future. 

3. Fear of losing their loved one is another thought that prevents people from getting close with someone. (Well, one can never live happily if they keep fearing death).

4.  The way one’s parents have been with each other also affects one’s opinions about love and relationships. Unhealthy relationship patterns learned from one’s parents can also hold people back.

5. Always prioritizing one’s own desires and refusing to make compromises for others’ sake might be another reason why people do things that could break the relationship apart.

6. In today’s world, most people have trust issues. The fear of being cheated by the person we love often prevents us from taking things forward.

To sum it up, it’s time to let go of the obstructions, the fears and insecurities that are stopping you from opening up to your partner. Once you’ve overcome these, your truest and purest form of a lover will emerge. So, give love a chance to fight and defeat your negative thoughts.