Singlehood Rediscovering

Life does get bitter at times, but be rest assured it’s always for the better!

Lately, I have been counselling many single again or on-the-verge-of-divorce women and they sure do have their own battles and insecurities to deal with. However, being single can be fun and can lead to a better beginning with a new partner. But before we jump to the next catch…let’s take a halt…a pause! A breathing space where you can reconnect with yourself and much more.

Rarely do we marry the first person we enter into a relationship with when we’re young. And sometimes some get lucky to marry their first crush or date and make it last a lifetime! While the rest of us generally have multiple relationships before we settle down. It usually takes experiencing a few ups and downs in relationships and possibly a break-up to truly discover what it is you’re really looking for in a Relationship.

You may want a partner to fit a certain set of traits or qualities that you haven’t yet developed in yourself, hoping to feel complete with that ideal match. However, you may attract a partner who may push all your triggers that may need some healing work.

Whatever the case, in truth and all honesty we don’t always know WHO WE ARE or WHAT WE WANT!…in the beginning.

Here’s one case of my client who was a sweet woman and well placed in her career. But her marital life sucked! When she was young she had an attraction for tall dark handsome men. And she did attract one luckily with her beauty. But after marrying him he was not a match to her heart’s desire. Though he had the looks and was doing fairly well in his business she felt empty! Even though the first few months saw them consumed in passion, they had nothing in common… and after that she saw her love and married life writhing away! Soon they filed for divorce after much pain and tears. That’s when she happened to meet me.

It took a few counselling sessions for her to realize why her marriage failed. They didn’t have a strong friendship before they tied the knot. Nor did she know herself well enough, and what a Relationship demands other than Mills and Boons Whirling romance! Therefore, they both lacked interest in participating in each other’s life outside the bedroom.

Thus began her new beginning by EMBRACING AND KNOWING HERSELF… before dating and committing to another man. And soon she was on her way with the Dating games with the Rules I shared with her. She learned how to FIND HER WAY …

So understand that bouncing from one relationship into the next isn’t going to get you what you want. Allow some time in between break-ups to nurture your own inner-world before you search out again, else it may lead to a rebound or mirrored partner repeating the history as a pattern!

Doing a deeper dive into yourself is not just talking about what you like, don’t like, or want and don’t want. This is in relation to what I call “SHADOW WORK”.

I did a deeper level of Inner work after my own divorce, which I now know as Shadow work.

I got to know and embrace the darker parts of myself, which were running the show behind the scenes of my own mind.

My frustration, anger, pain, and sadness all came rising to the surface. And the good news is once I allowed myself to feel these dark emotions they didn’t have a hold on me anymore!

I WAS FREE… In a nutshell, it becomes less about what’s happening outside of you, and more about what’s happening inside of you.

Don’t just put on an act and pretence to tell your friends you enjoy being single, instead truly learn to be at home with yourself. You don’t have to meditate on top of a mountain. Just do simple things like journal, take a barefoot walk on the grass, enjoy a dance alone, eat or watch a movie alone. In other words ENJOY YOUR OWN COMPANY!

This doesn’t mean it’s wrong to desire a relationship, as all humans are wired for connection to mate and have a loving companionship.

But there’s a difference between feeling desperate and trying to force a relationship to begin before its time. We haste ourselves in loneliness pangs to attach ourselves to the next bet!

When you’re desperately trying to avoid being alone, you’re more likely attract some who will reject or abandon you! SO GET YOUR SELF TOGETHER. LOVE & ENJOY YOUR ALONENESS TOO!

And sooner than you know SOMEONE RIGHT WILL MATCH YOU UP!

Trust me…INTERNAL HAPPINESS IS CRUCIAL TO ATTRACT & HOLD A RELATIONSHIP! No one can make you happy… it’s your own business! Others can only share and complement your Joy. We can use people to distract us for a while, but overtime passion fizzles out, those things we were running away from comes creeping back.

So don’t expect the relationship itself to solve your internal problems or quiet your negative self-talk.

That work needs to be done regardless of whether you’re single or in a relationship. An empowered woman can enjoy being single just as much as when they’re in a relationship.

Learn to…SELF PAMPER. Get to know how your body feels. Get to know your thoughts and feelings. Before you get curious to know the Other. Try certain mirror talk and massage on weekends, beauty and self-care at a parlour. Get your pedicure or reflexology appointment on a Sunday. There are many ways to TEASE AND PLEASE YOURSELF without a man!

So without wasting more time FIX AN APPOINTMENT OR TIME FOR SELF CARE! And have a HOBBY too!

Guess what, the Secret is Out! To MANIFEST ANYTHING into your life….Simply Write it Down. Writing it down HELPS IN GETTING CLEAR…WHAT DO YOU TRULY TRULY WANT!

Write down your Relationship Goals:

What do you want in a relationship?

What are the qualities you’d like in a partner?

What would like to provide and receive in a relationship?

What’s the lifestyle you want with your partner?

What are your Life Goals and do they match the partner you wish to Attract?

What are your Fears and do you need a Counselor to help you through the same?

Keep this in your journal and freely edit it when desired. It’s Your Life Canvas. Paint it Like You Want It!

Truth be told, you may think you want a partner with one style and attract the exact opposite.

Does that mean the relationship is doomed to fail? Not unless you take on that belief. What’s more likely is that there’s something for you to learn here. So pay attention and ABSORB THE LESSON.

Remember the people you call into your life are an opportunity for growth and healing – always. So Never Regret… Just LEARN UNLEARN & GROW… AS YOU MOVE FORWARD!

Stop before you go out hunting for another soulmate! See who is in the Mirror… Do you like what you see? So pause and look in the mirror and ask yourself this question: “WOULD YOU DATE YOU?”.

Would your Beloved like who you are and who are choosing to Become? Are there traits in You that you are looking for?

Remember WE ATTRACT MIRRORS!!!

Before you spend time listing who you want them to be… Evaluate and Assess those Qualities In You… If they are lacking it’s not too late to BUILD YOURSELF in a way that MEN COME CHASING YOU. Make it your motto to build a better version of yourself.

And you may surprise yourself… with a DATE who matches your Vibration and Expectations!

Didn’t I say LIFE IS INSIDE OUT?!

How often you have found yourself saying “when I’m in a relationship I’m going to do this thing and that thing”, consider that NOW IS THE TIME… don’t wait until Mr. Right comes along to do the thing. Get into your Vortex!

Don’t wait for a relationship to ENJOY SIMPLE PLEASURES and ADVENTURES OF LIFE! What if in your exploration and travels you bump into the right man who has been also looking for you?

So go ahead… Live your life and TRUST THE FLOW. Wander and Stay in Wonder as you breathe the Life into You than sulking back at home. And neither should you.

Treat yourself the way you would want your romantic partner to treat you… Period!

Look around and observe the people you’re spending your time with these days.

Is your tribe Supportive and Assisting you in building your life? Are they honest enough to tell you what needs changing for your own good? Are they Inspiring and Positive beings or sad and negative? And most importantly are you yourself with them and can share your Truth in Safety and Honesty?

Finding your inner circle or tribe is vital. We are Social Animals. Relating is important for our emotional & mental wellbeing. GET A SISTERHOOD GATHERING…OR JOIN ONE!