Wounded Warriors-Men Abused

A staggering number of men are victims of domestic violence, sexual abuse, financial manipulation and mental torture by their wife, lover or boss. She does it to control the man, get her own way and prevent him from leaving the relationship to satisfy her needs. 

The abused and victimized man does what his partner wants, in the hopes of preventing further abuse or hoping this will end someday.

The primary motive for abuse is to establish and maintain power and control over a partner. An abusive partner may hit, kick, bite, punch, spit, throw things, or destroy your possessions. To make up for any difference in strength, they may attack you while you’re asleep or otherwise catch you by surprise. They may also use a weapon, such as a gun or knife, or strike you with an object, abuse or threaten your children, or harm your pets.

Here are few case studies of men who were trapped in abusive relationships…

FINANCIALLY ABUSED

Karan, a 27-year-old man met Ria on Tinder and grew very close to her in a short period of time. One day she told him about her requirement for money as her mother needs treatment on an urgent basis. Without thinking twice, Karan gave his savings of 3 lakh to her. After the money got transferred, Ria’s phone became unreachable and all her social media accounts were deleted. After consulting a friend, Karan filed a police complaint about her missing, and after their investigation, it was found that she had left the country with Karan’s as well as 2 other men’s money she had extracted giving the same reason.

SEXUALLY ABUSED 

Shrey is a career-focused 23-year-old guy working in an MNC. He reports to Manvi, 29, who’s been working in the company for more than 6 years. One day Manvi called Shrey in her cabin and offered him a senior position and raise, but only if agrees to sleep with her in return. Utterly offended by her words, he wanted to leave the room at the earliest. But the family responsibilities on his shoulder stopped him from quitting the job. It’s been a year now and he still feels disgusted at himself every time he has to sleep with her.

MENTALLY & EMOTIONALLY TORTURED

5 years ago, Rahul and Pallavi got married, arranged by their families. They were living a happy life until Pallavi started showing her actual attributes. Control on every small matter like giving money to his parents, coming late from work and more, became common. After bearing it for almost 2 years, he filed for a divorce. In the court, Pallavi showed fake bruises and convinced the judge that Rahul used to molest her. The decision was given in her favour and Rahul was sent for imprisonment for a year. 

SOCIAL IMAGE TARRED 

Sonali and Shubham have been working together in the same company for almost 3 years. They were in a relationship for 2 years and everyone around knew about them. One day, Shubham found Sonali making out with another man in the parking area of the building. He confronted her and broke their relationship immediately. Conscious of her image, Sonali told everyone how Shubham used to molest her and force her for sex, and this is why she broke the relationship. Everyone supported her and resented him for his actions. He tried telling everyone the truth, but no one believed him. At last, after being despised and secluded by everyone around, he resigned and left the city.

FALSE ALLEGATION & BLACKMAILED

Gaurav is married to Priya for 10 years and everyone regards them as a happy couple. However, the reality is completely different. Priya is a control-freak and a manipulative woman who doesn’t give any freedom to her husband. She asks him to have sex as per her mood, doesn’t allow him to have any word with his family, checks his phone on daily basis, and has even asked his assistant at work to keep a check on him. When he tried to file for a divorce, she blackmailed him saying she’ll file a police complaint about domestic abuse by his family. Left with no choice, he surrendered to live life as per her terms. 

Typically, if abuse is allowed to continue, it becomes more frequent and more severe.

WHY THEY STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS?

Whether or not there are children involved, a man may stay in an abusive situation because of many reasons…

• He feels afraid or guilty 
• He feels he is financially insecure 
• He feels a sense of obligation to his female partner 
• He still has hope for the relationship 
• He feels ashamed to admit he is being abused 
• He doesn’t want to leave the children with his abusive partner 
• He may not trust the courts to handle child custody fairly 
• He doesn’t want to be the one that “breaks up” the family

 Staying in an abusive relationship is always a choice. But it can cripple you forever, and worse rob you of peace and total wellbeing. Whatever the victim’s situation is, they must voice and ask for support from whoever they can trust. However, men are often reluctant to report abuse because they feel embarrassed, fear they won’t be believed, or are scared that their partner will take revenge.

GET HELP!

Find out what help is available in or near your community. You do not have to do this alone. Take Legal support if required. Join a Men support group in your city. Lastly get professional help from a qualified counsellor who can help you deal with your emotional fears, anxiety, pain and victimhood. Such support helps you to deal with it intelligently and wisely before it breaks you or bankrupts you. The choice is in your hand…